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Christmas Sucks

by Rob From Amersfoort

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about

Recorded 2-22 December 2017 (except #9 recorded 2013 remastered 2017).

A serious anti-Christmas pop album.

Guaranteed sleigh bells free!

credits

released December 23, 2017

cover image of Santa: www.wallpapersweb.com.

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about

Rob From Amersfoort Amersfoort, The Netherlands

Post-Retro Indie-Pop

Influences: Beatles, Prince, Fiona Apple, Roxy Music, Elliott Smith, Bowie, Harry Nilsson, Michael Penn, Suzanne Vega, Neil Finn, Wilco, Liz Phair.

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Track Name: Save Me From Christmas
oh how I hate Christmas
it's happening every year

this ass hole from the North pool
and his drunken reindeer

it's happening every year
it's happening every year
the same loneliness
the same fear

Christmas sucks
Christmas sucks
Christmas sucks
Christmas sucks

everywhere you hear
the same cliche songs
peace on earth
never seemed so wrong

oh how I wish
to be somewhere else
at another planet
with no Christmas bells

save me save me
please help me now
save me save me
to escape somehow
Track Name: The Office Christmas Party Hell
the invitation
you cannot ignore
if you refuse
your boss keeps score

listen to the management
and eat their lousy food
the tacky decorations
bring me in a hateful mood

let's destroy the building
or poison them all
finally some rest
for my stressed out soul
Track Name: Smash The Elves
so we got to dine tonight
so we get the turkey tonight
and listen to the same
songs on repeat
and watch a tacky Disney movie

why don't we
smash the elves
why don't we
zap the Santa
and try to be ourselves
just be ourselves

so we get presents tonight
so we get a useless gift tonight
and tell your family you love them so
every year we put on the same show

why don't we
smash the elves
why don't we
zap the Santa
and try to be ourselves
just be ourselves

our boring selves
Track Name: Stop The Tree Massacre
we chop them
putt stuff on them
and then we burn them

people say they care
about the environment
but at Christmas that
devotion is absent

save the trees
save the trees
save the trees

stop the tree killers

mutilate a living thing
take it home
hang shit on it
then kick it to the curb
is it worth it
who do you do it

they want to live in the forest
not in your room
Track Name: Let's Skip Christmas This Year
it's the time of the year
we should go shopping I fear
but the turkey can fly away
I want it another way

let's skip Christmas this year
there are so many songs I don't want to hear
let's skip Christmas this year
and go to the beach my dear

turning on the TV ain't fair
the same old movies I can't bear
no wonderful life anymore
watching Disney makes me soar

let's skip Christmas this year
there are so many songs I don't want to hear
let's skip Christmas this year
and go to the zoo my dear

let's ignore the family dining
I don't want to hear their whining
the roads are dangerous anyway
we can order take away

let's skip Christmas this year
there are so many songs I don't want to hear
so let's skip Christmas this year
and go to bed my dear
Track Name: Christmas Sucks
it starts way too early
September is too soon
shopping in a hurry
the whole afternoon

blinded by streets
covered in light
trampled by reindeers
in the snowy night

Christmas sucks
so much

that old bastard
dressed in red
luring children
and putting you in debts

I miss summer so much

Christmas sucks
so much

little baby Jesus
wasn't born this day
he wasn't even Christian
I dare to say

no three kings
and no star navigation
it's just a mythical
conceptualization
Track Name: Charles Dickens Is A Jerk
Charles Dickens is a jerk
Charles Dickens is a jerk
Charles Dickens is a jerk
Charles Dickens is a jerk

he left his wife
and his ten children
to live with
an 18-year-old girl

Charles Dickens is a jerk
Charles Dickens is a jerk
Charles Dickens is a jerk
a big lousy jerk
Track Name: Christmas Is So Phony
Christmas blablabla the same old bull every year
yes we love each other only in December my dear
the other months we shoot kill and rape
Darwin was right we are just ape

Here are the phony fakes
It's too much this year
The same old mistakes
I long for the new year

do as you say once in a while
practice your beliefs instead of being so docile

Here are the phony fakes
It's too much this year
The same old mistakes
I long for the new year

money is not the most important thing to care about

Christmas is so phony!
Christmas is so phony!
Christmas is so phony!
Christmas is so phony!

lying to your children
is not the way to raise a child
always tell the truth
and not once in a while
Track Name: I Don't Like Xmas
The jingle bells
The drunken Santa
It's a red and white hell

Christmas ain't no friend of mine
It's even worse than Valentine
I don't like Christmas

Starting in September
Ending in May
Social obligations
And all those debs to pay
Track Name: So Glad It's Christmas Again
with no nice family
you're out in the cold
eating turkey alone
in your silent home

in the dark cold night
shivering and freezing
the only sound you hear
is your sniffing and sneezing

So Glad It's Christmas Again
So Glad It's Christmas Again
So Glad It's Christmas Again
So Glad It's Christmas Again

the awkward family dinner
once a year
not speaking to each other
for the love of fear

secrets in the closet
turkey in the oven
singing cliche carols
like it really matters

So Glad It's Christmas Again
So Glad It's Christmas Again
So Glad It's Christmas Again
So Glad It's Christmas Again

another turkey slaughtered
for your fancy dinner
you could have been wiser
you could have been kinder

the turkey is burned
the tree is dead
the lights short-circuited
baby Jesus lost his head

So Glad It's Christmas Again
So Glad It's Christmas Again
So Glad It's Christmas Again
So Glad It's Christmas Again

I crawl under the blankets
and close my eyes
sick of the festivities
sick of the lies
Track Name: Christmas No Thanx (Hallelujah)
obligated rituals
serving no goal
other than to enrich
the almighty powerful

forced gaiety
wretched social obligations
frenzied travel plans
to cross the nation

Christmas No Thanx
Christmas No Thanx
Christmas No Thanx
Christmas No Thanx

cheap plastic balls
made by slave labored Chinese
working day and night
for some lousy fees

it's forbidden to say
to my frustration
this religious holiday
is now a perverse imitation


Christmas No Thanx (Hallelujah)
Christmas No Thanx (Hallelujah)
Christmas No Thanx (Hallelujah)
Christmas No Thanx (Hallelujah)

rates of depression
and a suicide spike
is that the price
is that what we like
Track Name: Hypocrites
I really don't know why we're celebrating Christmas
I really don't know why we're still put up this show
I really don't know why we don't just forget this
I really don't know I really don't know

peace on Earth
what is it worth
singing stupid carols
won't solve anything at all

hypocrites
hypocrites

it's just a ploy
to get us shopping
make the rich more richer
make the poor more poorer

hypocrites
hypocrites
hypocrites
hypocrite

celebrate Christmas
while the other half of the planet
is starving or dying
children are crying
while we are watching commercials
we feel so special
greed is everywhere
when did we stop to care
Track Name: Decapitate Frosty
some people
feel the need
to do awful things
in the summer heat

I say suppress it
until winter arrives
and then let the snowmen
pay with their lives

decapitate Frosty
make him pay
chop his head off
and run away

there aren't many
snowmen in the middle east
that may explain
why there is no peace

let's expedite Frosty
to that place
so we have a kinder
human race

decapitate Frosty
make him feel
chop his head off
it's almost real

harass his white ass
make him confess
white privilege
is not a success

Frosty the snowman
your time has come
Frosty Frosty
you are scum
Track Name: The Eternal Snow
oooooh
I lay in the snow
The slippery snow
Nowhere to go
in the beautiful snow

It frees me from these terrible thoughts
I see and hear nothing
Like a blanket is my snow

oooooh
I drift away in snow
See nothing more than snow
It covers everything
The overwhelming snow

It hides all my faults
The innocent white
I just lay down and let it cover me

oooooh
The cozy snow
I want to be
Forever frozen
In the soft white snow
Track Name: bonus
Christmas sucks
And winter too

(kcuf Christmas)

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